I spent a lot of this winter thinking about skiing. This is unusual because I’ve never skied, despite having grown up in the shadow of central Massachusetts’s main ski locales, Mount Wachusett (I hesitate to call it a mountain, because I’ve been repeatedly informed by friends from other states that it doesn’t “count” as one, but that’s its name). What I know about skiing is mostly gleaned from seeing people stop by the Dunkin Donuts I worked at on their way to or from the Mount, and from the kids in my Catholic elementary who used to get bused there after school one day a week in the winter.
I’ve never been skiing, have always been too afraid of snapping both my legs or hitting a tree to try, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it this winter. One of the elaborate Macy’s windows I walk by every day to work was festooned in Ralph Lauren, country club-chic through the holidays, complete with bulky ski boots for the mannequins. So, I thought about the idea of being in a barely-controlled downhill slide as I walked to work every day for two months. 2019 was a lot like skiing.
The most exhausting thing about my mental health right now is that it can’t decide what it wants to do. Continue reading
Leaving my phone on the bathroom counter turns me into some kind of gawking weirdo.
I’m not counting this one as a post-a-day because I wrote it up as a stupidly long Facebook status. I just wanted to keep it here, it has enough of my heart in it that it feels like it belongs. I’ve been with the love of my life for three years, and this is how I feel about it. Continue reading
I got myself behind ony posting schedule, but it was worth it for the last couple of days. I went and did some learning.
My brain was stuck in a rotary of fearful thoughts for most of the day and I really thought I was going to have to write this post about how, even when I feel like things are looking up overall, I still have so many days that are melancholy and full of nothing. The kind of days that are upsetting for many reasons, but none more so than that I get the sense that I’m living through the material they skip in the movie script. Then, I went fabric shopping. Continue reading
I keep struggling with how to balance a mundane job with the things I’m passionate about. Other creative people, even people my age, seem to manage it and I wonder if it’s a defect of mine.
I don’t particularly like New Year’s Resolutions. They intimidate me, pressure me, and make me feel like I’m going along with a “normal folks” kind of drumbeat I don’t necessarily want to subscribe to.
What the hell am I doing. I’m 25 and I still fall asleep with my makeup on.
I still curl up in a small corner of my bed, past my bedtime, surrounded by plush animals and cartoon characters, and I cry and my $3 mascara smears all over the pillowcase my mom bought because I’m 25 and I still go to bed wearing makeup.
I’m (trying to climb) back in the saddle! Continue reading