I don’t particularly like New Year’s Resolutions. They intimidate me, pressure me, and make me feel like I’m going along with a “normal folks” kind of drumbeat I don’t necessarily want to subscribe to.
This year, I’ve decided instead to make some New Year Goals and Intentions. These are the things that I want to think about on Christmas or New Year’s Eve next year and be proud of the progress I’ve made. I’m making no commitments to complete change. I’m not going to beat myself up or count a skip day as a “fail” and, as such, I didn’t get gung ho about them on the first day of the Year.
In 2017 I want to work on my mental health. I want to make progress in beating the angry, abusive OCD voice in my brain into submission. I want to eat better, consume less sugar, because for all my parents’ eccentricities they do have a point in saying that shit’s bad news. So far, I’ve stayed in bed with anxiety for half a day and eaten some Twizzlers for breakfast. I want to go to the gym more regularly, a couple times a week would be nice. I spent most of day one under blankets, watching Food Network. Finally, I want to write.
This is the goal that I have set guidelines for. I intend to write a post on this blog every day for a year. Or, at the least, accumulate 365 posts, because sometimes life will be as it is. You might notice I’m posting this in the early hours of the second. I’m not going to say that’s entirely an exercise in proving to myself I won’t stress about the “daily” aspect of this goal. I will admit that it has more to do with me being a little mopey, lazy, and inclined towards comfiness yesterday. But here it is, all the same, 1/365.
That writing goal also includes the intention to apply to and join the Solstice MFA program for creative non-fiction. This is at Konner’s urging, at also an attempt to remedy my own restless desire to pursue something concrete again. We both hope it will remedy some of the self-confidence issues that stoke the coals of my obsessive, negative thoughts.
2016 was hellish, for reasons sudden and surreal as well as reasons that brewed and built for years prior. Here’s to a new year. I do sincerely hope it’s a good one, without any fear.