It’s a Post-Easter Resurrection

I’m (trying to climb) back in the saddle!
It’s been nearly 8 months since my last attempt at getting some kind of blogging habit started but, more importantly, it’s been almost four months since my entire creative being dropped into complete radio silence.

That’s right kids, Tori had another one of their patented Mental Breakdowns. It had been nearly three years since my obsessive compulsive disorder took over my entire self for an extended period of time, so long that I’d almost forgotten what it was like, so long that Konner hadn’t experienced it before. How and why he’s stuck around through this I don’t know. I don’t know what I did to deserve that kind of loyalty.

The fact that I’d gone so long coping with my illness, not having a breakdown, only to fall into one again at a time when I am presumably supposed to be getting my life in order was in large part a factor in how severe and, honestly, life threatening it was. There were moments, obsessive thoughts aside, where I was convinced I’d never live a full and meaningful life because my disorder would continue to take all of my momentum and progress away over and over.

I can confidently say that I’m starting to learn that isn’t true. That’s about all I can say with confidence, that I’m starting, but as with anything related to mental illness it will be a long learning process. Most importantly, I’m starting to realize that every time my anxiety gets the better of me I learn more about it and myself. I find new ways to work through it and keep it at bay. At the moment, I’m not medicated as a personal choice (though in the future that might change, I’m trying not to say anything with too much certainty) but I am starting to realize how much improving my physical health can help my mental state. So progress is being made.

In terms of this blog? Well, I’m giving it another go. I’m writing this from my phone, actually! That’s rad. The future! Etc. So expect more of this fast kind of existential weirdness and also expect some longer, more composed posts. I have things I want to write about, that’s something to remind myself even when I feel like there’s nothing but negativity in my head.

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